It has been so long since I’ve written a blog post and this one is going to be word vomit I won’t lie to you! I’ve been so caught up with uni and the fact that it gets dark so early means I have no time to take any decent photos for my blog which is quite upsetting. I’ve also been feeling completely uninspired and I had to really push myself to write this post.
I’m just going to dive straight in with how I’ve been recently because it’s been crap. The storm this last week has really ruined my ‘routine’. The fact that it was below zero degrees and literally blizzard conditions meant that I missed a lot of lectures and didn’t want to walk half an hour to get to the library to work. I prefer to work there just because I find it difficult to work at home, usually there are other people in and I need a different environment.
Before this weekend, I was actually really proud of how my mood has been recently, this time last year I had a complete breakdown and the year before that I suddenly lost my Nan. I’ve been trying so hard to keep on top of my work but now I feel so far behind and I’m loosing the will to keep up. I haven’t felt this depressed in a very long time and I honestly hate it. I binged watched this shit show on Netflix all weekend which I only ever really do when I’m in a bad place. This time of the year is really difficult for me since loosing my Nan. I can barely remember the sound of her voice now and I can never seem to find the time to call my Grandad, I think a part of me doesn’t want to because I know it’ll upset me. But that makes me feel even more shit about myself.
I don’t really know what to do with myself. I feel a bit lost and bleh if I’m honest. There are no words to describe how I’m feeling other than the fact that I am very depressed and I just hope that tomorrow will be the start of a better week. I don’t want to feel like this anymore so I’m going to get up and go to uni, probably work in the library and get my head down.
If anyone else is feeling this shit right now then feel free to comment below. Sometimes it’s good to let it all out, hence why this post probably doesn’t make much sense! But I feel slightly better for writing it so I’m glad I vented!
Have a lovely week everyone. 🙂